A Tale of a Prudish Deer or: How to Successfully Rebrand any Awkward Term
minute read written by Esther Smith
When you think about nature, serene forests, calming streams, and the sweet orchestra of bird choruses gush into your mind. What doesn’t usually come to mind is a wild deer, antlers held high, confidently parading around with an overtly provocative title, „pornohirsch“. Yes, you read that right, a poor unsuspecting deer, suddenly annexed as the risqué mascot of dubious internet domains.
„In the dense forest of the Internet, replete with cat videos and cooking tutorials, suddenly a wild pornohirsch appears..“
Seems like a plot ripped off from some bizarre, inter-dimensional sitcom, doesn’t it? But bear with me, dear reader, what follows is a curious tale that intertwines comedy, naming conventions, and our beloved world wide web.
All over the virtual world, new domains clone like bacteria on a schoolboy’s unwashed lunchbox, each trying to outdo the others. Was there a secret meeting somewhere in the annals of the Internet that decided this deer was the perfect emblem of adult entertainment?
“Here’s a fun idea. Let’s take a harmless woodland creature and associate it with something it neither knows nor cares about. It’s not like it’s going to sue anyone.“_
I bet that deer, presuming it exists in some form beyond our screens, is still quite shell-shocked by this revelation.
_“You did what now?!” it’d exclaim, dropping its bundle of forest berries._
Strapped on the back of this unwitting beast is a salacious suffix that would make even the most lenient German language police raise an eyebrow. Scrabble enthusiasts and linguists, please look away now, ‚pornohirsch‘ is galloping into your prudish precincts.
_“Not on my watch!” declares the Grammatikalische Polizei, spitting out their Pilsner in shock._
But it isn’t all grim. As satirically tragic as this whole scenario is, it also opens up avenues for some unprecedented humor. In some ways, it’s a case study in how not to ‚play it safe‘ when it comes to naming something.
_“Are you not entertained? Did the name not lure you into reading this article?” I hear the ghost of the great Gladiator retort.
Imagine the awkward conversations around job titles, “Ah yes, I am the senior web developer for…erm…a certain ocular mammal industry.“. Job interviews would be a hoot too!
Interviewer: “So I see here you worked on…“pornohirsch”? Mind explaining that?”
Job Applicant: Well, you see…_
In reality, names should reflect the essence of what they represent. Like ‚Google‘ doesn’t scream ’search engine‘, but has come to be synonymous with it. Yet ‚pornohirsch‘? It screams something, alright, just not something you’d expect to see around your Grandma’s coffee table.
_Grandma: “Oh, what’s that you’re browsing, dear?“
However, the glorious absurdity of ‚pornohirsch‘ leaves me with a glimmer of appreciation for the bravado, or perhaps the sheer ignorance, of those who dare to venture beyond mainstream convention. Maybe, just maybe, in the vast cosmos of the internet, there lies a niche audience that finds the explicit amalgamation of ‚porno‘ and ‚hirsch‘ (porno + deer) enthralling and cannot get enough of it.
Niche internet surfer: “I like my entertainment like I like my wildlife: tame but naughty.“
As we try to filter it through our humor goggles, it’s worth pondering whether the internet’s algorithmic prowess has generated ‚pornohirsch‘ as some ludicrous rallying cry to claim sanity in times of chaos.
_Einstein turns in his grave, questioning his contribution to this ‘relatively’ insane civilization._
Our tale concludes here, in the sheer ridiculousness of it all. The next time you’re stumped for a name, whether it’s your band, your first novel, or your newborn, remember the hilarious legacy of ‚pornohirsch‘. Because if an erotic deer can capture global—with some reservation—attention, then so can you.
_“And they lived happily ever after. The end.” With apologies to every German fairytale ever written._
Irony, thy name is ‚pornohirsch‘.
ESTHER SMITH/E.L SMITH, 2022